Please remember me.

So my mom told me the other day that my grandmother (my dad’s mom) is on her way out “mentally”. I asked her what she meant and if she meant Alzheimer’s and she said yes. I guess my grandma was found in the garage the other day by one of my uncles and she had said that she was looking for the kids. Another time I guess she was talking to that same uncle and she was sad because no one ever visits her anymore. These things are very scary to me. She had meant her kids, when she said she was looking for them in the garage. The youngest child she has right now is in his late 40’s at least. Also, her children visit her constantly. This was something completely opposite of what actually happens. My uncle Denny goes over there daily to check on her and they always have dinner together. I think my dad goes over there at least every other weekend now that he has his second job, and my uncle Kevin goes every weekend I’m pretty sure. She just doesn’t really remember people visiting her, or she’s getting confused about the visits..

I don’t know what else to say about this. I mean, I dealt with dementia patients which is an even worse condition than Alzheimer’s as far as I know, but it wasn’t anyone that I knew personally. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. When it hits close to home, you just don’t know what to do about it. I’m having a hard time accepting this, because my grandma has been in my life since I was born. She’s the only grandparent I have left, and I don’t want to lose her too. She’s going to be 91 years old in December. I can’t believe it. She was born in 1918. That is seriously so long ago to me. She’s been through so much in her life. I just don’t want to see her lose the ability to remember the parts of it that are good. I don’t know. I’m just really sad about this. And I’m mad at myself for not knowing if I can handle going to see her. I know I should, and I want to, but the selfish part of my brain is telling me that I couldn’t handle it, and I wouldn’t want to upset her or anything. I don’t really know if it would upset her..but what if she doesn’t remember me?

“You say you wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world? I DON’T THINK SO.”

Ahhh. Michael Jackson. I’m loving the song “Money” a lot lately. All of this is Kirsten’s doing. And according to her I’m not being a toucher about it since I liked him before he died. She is the MJ Queen, so I trust her.

Ooooh. Yesterday I got another 100 on my Psych test. I was pretty fucking happy about that. It’s so easy for me so far, and I didn’t think it would be. I’m not complaining though. Took a Chem test, not sure I got a good enough grade on that one though. It was hard. Blegh.

So today I’m going to my Andi’s house with Josh so he can finally meet her. She’s cooking us dinner, CHICKEN FRENCH, and I’m so happy. I’m excited for them to meet, too.

Later around 9 I’ll be going to Jenelle’s for a partyyyyyy. I’m excited. Ally is back from college, holy shit! I’m so freakin happy to see her.

This is not a long blog entry at all. Oh well.

“I feel like a fool but I’m drunk, so it’s cool.”

I have to write another paper for English. I’m kind of annoyed at this one because it’s not coming to me as easily as the first one did. Bleghhh.

Okay so I read two books this week. I started Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis on Monday and finished it Wednesday, and I started The Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis on Thursday and finished it Saturday morning. Yessss! They were both so amazing. You don’t even know. I’m going to start Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis probably tomorrow morning.

This happened to me this past Tuesday in my Mysteries of Sleep and Dreaming class (and I posted it on a forum so this is just a copy of that);

—————————————

Today I got to my one class a little early so I could sign up for a conference time for my English class, so I came to the room and sat and read. I thought about where I was sitting and decided to change seats (for a few reasons, one because I couldn’t concentrate all the way in the back, and two because the woman who sits at the same table as me shakes her leg A LOT and last class I constantly felt the shaking even though I sit all the way on the other side of the room…needless to say that didn’t help my concentrating issue).

So I sat in a desk that wasn’t connected to anything and in the front so that I would be able to concentrate better. I didn’t think anyone sat in the particular desk that I chose…so I felt safe. I was reading for a little bit and then people in my class started to arrive. A woman walked in and she had a confused look on her face when she saw me. I assumed I had accidentally taken her desk and I felt a little bad but I figured she would just sit in the 5 or 6 empty desks that were next to me, or in the countless number of seats in front of me or behind me… WRONG. She walked up to me and she scoffed before she said, “Uh I was sitting here for like the 4 other weeks of class.” (this particular class only meets once a week). I said, “Ohh I’m sorry..” and she just walked to the desk next to me and sat in it. After a few moments I tried to be nice and explain myself and said, “I just can’t concentrate in the back…” and she COMPLETELY ignored me (oh and she heard me too, she was looking straight ahead and I was only about a foot away from her ear when I said this…) I was so enraged at her childish behavior…I couldn’t believe it. These are not assigned seats….also, there were a bunch of other desks right near the area she had previously sat in, so I don’t really see the big deal at all. I just couldn’t believe it.

What made it worse was that she’s not even my age. I can take a certain level of immaturity from teenagers, but this woman was roughly 30 years old…and I just can’t fathom this absolute ridiculous attitude from someone who is older and (at least in my world) is supposed to be more mature. I wanted so badly to just ask her what the big deal was, but I held my tongue and I was pretty proud of myself for that, but now I can’t stop complaining about it… oh well!

——————————–

UHHH YEAH. I was pretty pissed. I’m over it now though. But I wanted to make sure I put that in my blog.

Hm. What else has happened since I haven’t blogged in like 10 days? I saw Jim Gaffigan on Friday night. He was hilarious. Josh and I went to RIT to see him. It was sold out, so it was pretty intense. I like him now, and I didn’t at first. I’m over it, I was wrong.

I don’t know what else to write about. Everything is kind of blank right now. Eh. I watched the film adaptation of The Rules of Attraction last night until like 4 am. Whoops. But it was really good. And now I have real faces (that are much more attractive than the ones I could’ve imagined) to put to the characters if I ever read the book over again (which I will, probably within the month). This man played Paul; and he is just beautiful. Yeah yeah he’s from Lost and shit, but who cares? He’s bisexual in the book and I guess full on gay in the movie and there are a few erotic scenes with it, oh goddddd. =)
This is one of my favorite scenes with Paul;

Paul is the shirtless one. Mmm. The book was obviously better but hey, I can’t complain about the movie. It was entertaining and it followed the book pretty closely. As close as a movie can follow a book. I mean you can’t cram 300 pages into 2 hours, now can you?

Wow I really need to write my paper. I might as well go and start that now. =/

“Instincts are misleading. You shouldn’t think what you’re feeling. They don’t tell you what you know you should want.”

Sometimes I go for walks. I like doing so, it gives me a chance to just stop thinking about everything, and just think about nothing. I took a walk today. I didn’t really walk that far, but I include my “stop’s” as part of my walk. So I walked past the church on my street and crossed over 5-31 and went up the little hill to my high school’s football field. There’s a little area right there that I like to sit and just look at the sky. It’s not very quiet, and it’s not very soothing, but it’s my spot. I like sitting there. I’ve done it before, and it started raining on me that time. This time it didn’t; it was just cold out. I sat there and I just listened to Death Cab For Cutie and I just, was. I wasn’t doing anything, I wasn’t focusing on anything, I wasn’t worrying about anything…I just WAS. It’s great. I find myself highly attracted to going there when I’m not in the best of moods, and today was definitely one of those times. I was laying in my bed about an hour ago, and I looked outside and I just decided it was the perfect day to go for a walk to my spot. I sat there for about 45 minutes, listening to DCFC and the random cheerleader music because there was a football game going on down the hill, about a hundred yards away (so they didn’t see me). That would’ve been awkward and it would’ve completely ruined my spot for me today. But anyway, I sit behind this one bush, and I just kind of look around. Sometimes I like being in nature, but it’s usually when it’s cold out so not a lot of bugs/BEES are around to bother me. I love how the air smells in the fall. It’s so great. It’s my favorite smell. And the leaves changing, that’s probably one of my favorite sights to see. The fall is my favorite season, god I love it. I just like to be outside in the fall. Not really any other time, so it’s a once a year kind of thing for me. I cleared my head when I was out there. I feel like I completely changed my mood from when I started walking there to when I got back into my house. I swear. Stress relieving in a way, and it appeals to my senses. Stimulates my mind, and in turn my heart. Oh how I love sitting at my spot on a chilly autumn day.